Some people might believe the family law regime favours women. This is not true. In fact, it has historically disadvantaged women but this is changing. The Family Law Act was introduced in 2013 with sweeping changes to the law on separation that strive to improve equality rights for women, as well as non-traditional families such as those in the LGBTQ community and polyamorous families. In this article, “Marriage Separation Advice for Women” we look at some of the issues specifically faced by women during a divorce.

Am I Entitled to Spousal Support?

In relationships it is common for one partner to put their career on hold and prioritize taking care of the children, giving the other partner freedom to make strides in their career and become the principal breadwinner for the family. Often times it is the woman in the relationship who puts her career on hold.

The courts recognize that this puts women in a disadvantageous position following a separation. While their male partner may have had 10 or 20 years to advance in their careers, the woman’s career has essentially stagnated, significantly reducing her earning potential in comparison with her male partner.

Spousal support can help equalize the economic burden women face following a separation. The amount of spousal support you may be entitled to will depend on the length of your relationship, the difference between you and your ex’s incomes, and a number of other factors. For an estimate of how much spousal support you may be entitled to, please visit our Spousal Support Calculator. Remember that the law applies equally to men and women with respect to spousal support. If you earn more money than your spouse, he will be equally entitled to spousal support. For a more accurate figure that takes into consideration your unique circumstances, we encourage you to contact our firm for a consultation.

Caring for the Children after Separation

There is a common misconception that women are legally expected to take on more of the childcare responsibilities or are entitled to a greater share of parenting time following a separation. This may have been true at one time when women were seen as possessing an irreplaceable motherly touch, and the courts preferred that young children reside primarily with their mothers.

Today, however, men and women are expected to care for their children following a separation. The sole focus of the courts is the “best interests of the children” and in the court’s view, this means maximum involvement of both parents in the children’s lives where appropriate.

Domestic Violence

Unfortunately, despite advancements in the family law regime, women remain disproportionately victims of family violence. It is estimated that one in five Canadian women experience some form of violence in their relationships (source: Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile 2011, Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics, Statistics Canada, page 5). It is important to seek help if there is family violence. Remember that if your partner has instigated violence against you, this is not your fault and if you have children, you have a duty to protect them from any further violence. Even when violence is not directed towards children, witnessing violence can have devastating effects on a child. Children tend to be more observant than we realize and will undoubtedly become aware of the violence, if not already.

Fortunately, there are legal remedies that can help protect you and your children from an abusive partner. You may wish to apply for a court order to get exclusive possession of your family home and a protection order preventing your spouse from communicating with you and your children and from visiting the children’s schools or daycare centres. For more information on legal remedies to protect your children, see our article “10 Divorce Tips to Protect Your Children”.

There are many support services available to women and children who are victims of family violence. Remember that you are not alone. Here are some additional resources:

Victim Link BC: https://www2.gov.bc.ca/gov/content/justice/criminal-justice/victims-of-crime/victimlinkbc

Ending Violence Association of BC: http://endingviolence.org/need-help/

The BC Society of Transition Houses: http://bcsth.ca/content/compendium-0

We hope this article “Marriage Separation Advice for Women” helps answer your questions about divorce and separation. If you are a woman who is going through a divorce and would like to make sure that your specific needs are met or have concerns about domestic violence, please contact MJ O’Nions for legal assistance at 604-449-7779.

Divorce is a confusing time for children. They may have some understanding of what is going on depending on their age. They may have friends whose parents have gone through divorce and will relate to the experience through stories those friends have told them. Yet regardless of their age, they will notice that the family dynamic has changed. Younger children might fear that the divorce will break the family apart and that it will cause them to see one or both parents less often. Older children might fear the stigma of becoming children of divorce or may resent one of the parents who they feel may be causing the divorce. It is important to think about how all of your interactions with your children and your ex-spouse can be made to lessen this confusion and provide a supporting and positive environment for your children’s growth.

Here are 10 tips to protect your children during divorce:

1. Never speak badly of your ex to or in front of your children

Your children see themselves as half of their other parent. If they hear you speak negatively about their other parent, they may associate with these negative statements and internalize them, which may lower their self-esteem. It could also cause them to resent the other parent if these statements lead them to believe that parent is the reason for the divorce or that they hurt you, and they may wish to distance themselves from that parent as a result.

2. Encourage your children to spend as much time as possible with their other parent

Children benefit from relationships with both parents. This is true even where one parent isn’t able to take on as much of an active parenting role as the other. Remember that while your relationship with your ex has ended, your children have a life-long relationship with their parent that is completely independent of yours.

3. Don’t argue with your ex in front of your children, especially about parenting issues

Arguing with your ex-spouse in front of your children might cause them to believe that they are the source of the tension in your relationship. When parents divorce, children often assume that it is their fault. Arguing, especially over parenting issues such as pick up and drop off times, decisions about what the children may be allowed to do, and so on, can heighten this fear for the children.

4. Strive to develop a cohesive set of parenting rules with your ex

Agreeing on parenting rules isn’t always easy and it may have been a constant source of argument while you were together, but working to reach an agreement on parenting rules doesn’t end when you split up. It’s important that your children have similar expectations from both parents when it comes to setting boundaries.

5. Make sure you and your ex are on the same page when it comes to explaining to the children what’s going on

You and your spouse might have very different interpretations of what led to your divorce and assign different levels of blame to each other, but don’t allow this to harm your children. Before you speak to your children, discuss with your ex how you are going to explain the divorce and make sure your explanations are consistent. Avoid getting into details, be sure that your children understand it is not their fault and that you both love them just the same, and try to give them the impression that this is a positive decision that will benefit the whole family.

6. Establish a new routine for your children

Once new living arrangements have been established, try to create a new routine for your children as early as possible. Part of the negative emotions children experience during a divorce relates to the fear of uncertainty. Establishing a routine will help calm their fears by introducing a new sense of normalcy into their lives.

7. Encourage your children to continue with their extra-curriculars and hobbies

Continuing with their extra-curriculars and hobbies is another way to bring normalcy to your children’s daily lives during this time of transition. These activities are also a source of happiness for your children and may provide a creative outlet or way to expend their energy during a confusing time.

8. Check in with your children to see how they are handling the divorce

If you have younger children and are concerned about how they are handling the divorce, ask their teachers or daycare supervisors if they have noticed any change in behaviour. This might help put your anxieties at rest, or if there is an issue, help you to identify it and address it before it becomes a problem. Teenagers may be reluctant to express their feelings about the divorce but if they suddenly start acting out or you notice changes in their behaviour, this could be an indicator that they are struggling with the divorce. You should encourage them to be honest with you about their feelings and create a safe space of non-judgment where they feel comfortable sharing.

9. Ask for your children’s input wherever possible

Older children will likely have opinions about how they want to divide their time with each parent, and while you should still encourage your children to see their other parent as much as possible, you must also respect their choices. While this is not necessarily true for younger children, you can still seek their input by finding out how this new schedule is working for your children. Do the pick up and drop off times make it difficult for your children to do their homework; does it interfere with their ability to spend time with friends; are they exhausted by exchanges that are too frequent? Be prepared to listen and accommodate.

10. Leave the door open for your children to continue a relationship with their step-parent

If your ex is not your children’s biological parent but a step-parent, consider that they and your children may wish to continue a relationship with each other. This may be especially true for older children who have developed a close bond with their step-parent and who depend on them for love and support. Losing a step-parent completely from their lives could be devastating and could cause them to resent you for not allowing or helping to facilitate a relationship with that parent.

We hope this article “10 Tips to Make Divorce Easier for Children” helps answer your questions about divorce. You can find helpful resources on our page “Resources for Helping Children Deal with Divorce and Separation.” Should you have any questions or require mediation services in developing a parenting plan that has your children’s interests at heart, please contact us at 604-449-7779.

 

These 10 divorce tips to protect your children are beneficial to you and your family, as the effects of divorce can have long lasting effects on a child’s growth and development. Learn what you can do to protect your children during a divorce.

#1 – Prevent an Abusive Partner from Contacting the Children

If you or your children are at risk of family violence, you can ask the court to issue a protection order against your former spouse. This order might ban your ex from having any contact with you and the children and from visiting them at their schools and other places where they spend time.

#2 – Prevent a Third Party from Contacting the Children

Your former partner may have a new partner or a relative living with them who you believe is a risk to your children. If this is the case, you can apply for a protection order banning that individual from having any contact with the children.

#3 – Sole Guardianship/Custody

Courts are generally reluctant to award sole guardianship/custody to a parent, as they take the view that children benefit from having both parents in their lives. However, there are some circumstances where it may be appropriate for the court to order sole guardianship/custody because it would be in the best interests of the children.

#4 – Exclusive Possession of the Family Home

Getting an order from the court for exclusive possession of the family home can help ensure that you and your children have a safe and stable place to stay during the separation or divorce proceedings. These orders are usually given on an interim (or temporary basis) until property division issues can be settled either by way of agreement between you and your spouse or by court judgment.

#5 – Drug and Alcohol Abuse

If you’re concerned that your ex has an alcohol or drug abuse issue that may harm the children, you can apply to the courts to have your ex monitored or required to submit to alcohol and drug testing. The courts may attach certain conditions to their rights to spend time with the children if they continue to use alcohol and drugs.

#6 – Guns and Weapons

If there are guns or other weapons in your ex’s house and you are concerned about the safety of the children when they are visiting the home, you can ask the police to remove those weapons.

#7 – Supervised Visits

If you would like your children to continue to see their other parent but are concerned that he or she is not ready for time alone with the children, you can ask the court to order supervised visits. The court might order that a relative, family friend, or volunteer from the Supervised Access Program supervise the visits.

#8– No Removal from Jurisdiction

If you’re concerned that your ex might try to take the children out of the jurisdiction without your permission, you can get a court order preventing them from doing so. Be sure to keep all of your children’s travel documents somewhere safe out of your ex’s control and if you are really concerned by this issue, consider asking the courts for supervised visits with your ex.

#9 – Ask for Court Orders on a Without Notice Basis

In some cases you might not want to alert your ex that you are seeking a court order against them, especially when you are fearful of how they may react to this notice. While in most cases, where an individual has a direct interest in a court proceeding they are entitled to notice ahead of the hearing, in family cases there are processes in place which allow you to bring an application against them without providing them notice.

#10 – Counselling for the Children

The effects of divorce, especially where there is domestic violence involved can have long lasting effects on a child’s growth and development. There are psychologists and counselors who specialize in providing help to children during these troubling times. You may want to consider whether your child would benefit from this help. Click here for some more information on the topic and a roster of child counselors who may be able to help.

Remember: if you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you are concerned that your partner, or someone in your ex’s life might be a danger to the children, contact the Ministry for Child and Family Development for assistance.

Read our list of resources to help children cope with divorce and separation.

We hope this article “10 Divorce Tips to Protect Your Children” helps answer your questions about how to protect your children during a divorce. Should you have any questions or require legal assistance with seeking any of the remedies described above, please contact us at 604-449-7779.